The Secret Santa Situation
by Boys3allC
Summary: This is my entry for the fan forums holiday challenge. Hilarious hi jinks occur when the gang decides to participate in secret Santa instead of buying everyone a gift.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my entry for the fan forums holiday challenge. I really wanted this to be a one shot but it is just not going to happen. So please no coal in my stocking for going over my word allotment. I put our required words in bold. Oh and I do not own any of these characters.**

The Christmas tree is just being set up in apartment 4B and everyone is helping decorate it. Except for Sheldon who is taking his self-appointed job a tree trimming supervisor very seriously. Sheldon holds his ornament spacing template between the branches making sure the ornaments are just so. Sheldon holds the marker up at the last ornament hung then, he gasps and shakes his head sadly.

"Move that one! You can't have Darth Vader on the same side as Captain Kirk." Sheldon says to Leonard pointing out the problem. Leonard reluctantly moves the ornament to a different branch.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to Texas and be with your nephew in his first birthday?" Leonard asks hopefully.

"No, I already sent him a present in the mail. I got him one of those books where you record your own voice reading it."

"Awww! That is so sweet." Bernadette tells him.

"I know, I got him the **Little Engine that Could**,but the way I read it is better because I include fun facts about all the trains. "

"He had to modify the chip because the one included with the book would not record everything he was saying." Amy says proudly and Sheldon gazes at her fondly.

"Speaking of gifts." Penny says hanging the last ornament on the tree and walking over to her glass of wine. "I was thinking that this year instead of buying everyone gifts that we could do a Secret Santa. I mean our group is getting pretty large to buy everyone a present."

"What's a secret Santa?" Sheldon asks checking the final placement of the ornaments with his template.

"Instead of buying everyone a present, we pick names out of a hat and only buy a gift for the person that you pick. Then we set a cap on how much everyone is going to spend and exchange gifts on Christmas." Penny explains sitting down on the couch .

"I think that's a great idea." Amy says " We did it in the lab one year, but I picked myself and no one would trade with me." Amy says going to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine.

"That's so sad." Emily says patting her on the back.

"It was OK, I got myself the slipper socks that I had wanted." Amy tells her.

"I love the idea, we could throw a big party when we exchange the gifts. Like one of those giant Christmas feasts out of a cartoon. We could even but a twist on it like a theme! Or do something like everyone has to make the gift they give!" Raj says excited.

"As the new one in the group I think it sounds like fun. Plus I just do not know you guys well enough to buy all of you presents." Emily says.

"I'm all for it." Leonard says.

"What the hell, me too! Even though technically the person who gets me should get me eight Hanukkah gifts. Howard says pointing at them.

" Hang on! I don't think I am sold on this idea yet. I have some concerns that need to be addressed. Plus everyone knows my feelings on that **jolly** old fat man!" Sheldon says getting out his white board and everyone groans.

"Sheldon I thought you of all people would love the idea, I mean you hate giving gifts, this would take a lot of pressure from you." Leonard tells him.

"That may be true but I still would have to get Amy a birthday gift as well. No one else would still be responsible for Amy's birthday gift." Sheldon says writing Amy's birthday on the board.

"Hey! I got Amy a birthday present last year!" Bernadette says.

"Actually you didn't, but it is fine having a birthday on Christmas day has always meant that it kind of gets overlooked." Amy tells her. "Sheldon is usually the only person who remembers, but if we do the secret Santa you are off the hook Sheldon. You do not have to buy me a gift this year."

"Thank you but it's not just that, how will we keep who we got a secret? Also you say you put a cap on the amount we spend but how can we make sure that it will be equal? What if I spend the exact amount and whoever gets me knits me socks?" Sheldon says raising his eyebrows and writing unequal exchange on the board.

"How about this we set the cap at fifty dollars, whoever gets Sheldon promise to spend the exact cap amount. Whoever Sheldon gets will know he is going to spend the exact cap amount no more no less." Penny says.

"Very well, but we still have not addressed the secrecy issues. Some people in this group have a hard time keeping sensitive information to themselves." Sheldon says looking pointedly at Penny and then Amy.

"Come on Sheldon it could be fun ." Amy pleads.

"Fine, let's do it, but I still have concerns about this enterprise." Sheldon says.

"OK! So everyone write their names on a sheet of paper the fold the paper up and put it in this bowl." Penny says getting a large mixing bowl from the kitchen.

"What happens if you pick yourself like Amy did?" Sheldon asks.

"You get to pick again." Penny says.

"But what if you are the last person who picked and there are no more names in the bowl?" Sheldon asks.

"Then you can exchange papers with the person sitting beside you." Leonard tells him.

"Oh dear!" Sheldon exclaims.

"What now?" Penny says through gritted teeth as hands out paper and pens from Leonard's desk to everyone.

"If you exchange with the person next to you then you know who has you. Then it would be easy to deduce who everyone else has, thus making this Santa not so secret." Sheldon says.

"How about this if anyone picks themselves then we all have to put our names back into the bowl and pick again. Then we will keep doing it until everyone has picked a name that is not themselves." Amy tells him.

"Alright, that is acceptable." Sheldon says.

"OK can we start this thing now!" Penny says handing the bowl out to Sheldon who gives her a look and pulls a name out of the bowl.

Penny walks around the group and everyone each pulls out a sheet of paper. Penny is the last one to pull out a name, and she looks at the name and smiles.

"Did anyone pick themselves?" Howard asks and everyone shakes their heads no. "Phew!"

"I like what Raj said about making the gift could we do that?" Amy asks.

"Mmmm, no, I am not crafty in any way shape or form." Penny says

"I don't know, I think it might be fun to make a gift. Homemade gifts are so thoughtful." Bernadette says.

"I agree." Emily says.

"How about this you can make the gift if you want and if you choose not to then the cap is fifty dollars." Leonard says.

"I am just warning whoever got me**, do not **make me a gift." Sheldon says looking around the room.

Later in the week Bernadette and Amy are having a glass of wine together. Penny had to work late so it is just them.

"Do you want to go shopping for secret Santa after this?" Bernadette asks Amy

"I am actually thinking about making my gift, but we can shop for yours." Amy tells her.

"So who did you get?" Bernadette asks Amy.

"Bernadette! It is secret Santa!" Amy chides and Bernadette gives her a look that says really?

"OK , I will tell you… I got Sheldon, but I would have tried to find out who had him and trade for him, if I hadn't picked him." Amy tells her.

"That's good because I am sure whoever had picked Sheldon would be trying to trade with you, too." Bernadette says innocently and Amy gives her a dirty look.

"Who did you get?" Amy asks.

"Emily" Bernadette tells her." I have no idea what to get her. All I know about her is that she has red hair, likes knives, and The Nightmare Before Christmas."

"You think you have problems, I already made Sheldon's Christmas present before he threw his little fit."

"I am sure he will like it, what did you make him?"

"A couple of months ago he was reorganizing his closet and he got rid of a bag of T-shirts that no longer fit on the schematic. You would have thought it was Sophie's Choice, him trying to pick out which shirts had to go. Sheldon has a story for nearly all of his shirts. When he finally made his decision he gave me the bag to take to Goodwill because he was too distraught." Amy pauses.

"Yeah, so… what does this have to do with making him a gift?" Bernadette asks.

"I'm not finished, you see the bag never made it to Goodwill. I kind of kept them." Amy tells her looking sheepish.

"Oh Amy." Bernadette sighs.

" I'll admit at first it was just to give rice Sheldon a change of clothes now and then. I know, that was weird and a little crazy but then decided to make him a quilt out of all the old shirts."

"That is so cute, I think he will love it." Bernadette tells her.

"I thought he would too, that way he would not have to worry about how much I spent because I did not spend anything. Now I am worried because he expressly said no home-made gifts." Amy sighs.

"So? Give him the quilt and a gift card so all your bases are covered." Bernadette shrugs." Now what do you get for a spunky red-head who gets turned on by horror movies and likes to cut people for fun?"

The guys are all eating lunch together in the cafeteria, Sheldon still has not joined them yet.

"Quick everyone spill who they got for secret Santa before Sheldon gets here." Raj says.

"Why?" Howard says.

"One because I am trying to find out who got Emily so I can trade for her. Two because we have to do it before Sheldon sits down because he such a stickler for rules he will never tell us who he has." Raj says in an urgent whisper.

"I have Penny." Howard tells Raj " She is getting a bottle of wine." he tells Leonard.

"And she will love it." Leonard tells him. " I have you Raj." Leonard tells him picking at his plate.

"And I have you! Which would be super exciting if I did not desperately need to get Emily!" Raj moans.

"Why do you want to get Emily so bad? I am psyched that I don't have Bernadette. Do you know how hard she is to buy for? Besides it is a **slippery** slope, you buy her an amazing gift your first year then you have to keep it up year after year." Howard tells them.

"This is our first Christmas together I want to wow her! I want her to be sure of my wild **passion** and devotion to her!" Raj tells them

"So buy her something and still do the secret Santa thing." Leonard suggests.

"I suggested that to her but she said no! Emily said that she thought this secret Santa thing was the perfect way to take the pressure off our first holiday together. Had I known that I would have never agreed to your fiancee's stupid idea!" Raj says angrily throwing his fork down when, Sheldon walks up holding his tray.

"Gentlemen, looks like the conversation is getting heated. What are we discussing today?" he asks sitting down.

"We were just discussing which Batman was better Michael Keaton or Christian Bale." Leonard tells him not looking up from his meal.

"Have we not run this one into the ground? Tim Burton over Christopher Nolan but Christian Bale over Michael Keaton! New topic please."

"I don't suppose you would tell us who you picked for secret Santa?" Raj asks hopefully

"Wow, nothing is sacred with you is it?" Sheldon says looking disgusted at him.

"I guess that's a no." Raj sighs under his breath.

Later back at the apartment Sheldon is working at his desk when Penny walks in and looks around.

"I can save you the trouble now, Leonard is not home yet." Sheldon tells her not looking up from his computer.

"Then how did you get home?" Penny asks him.

"Amy took me home." Sheldon says.

"She's not here is she?" Penny asks nervously looking around again.

"No, she dropped me off, we had a cup of tea, then she went home. Why do you ask?"

"I need to talk to you about Amy." Penny says.

"What about Amy?" Sheldon says finally looking up from his computer.

"So I picked her for secret Santa and…."

"Whoa whoa whoa! Stop right there now the whole enterprise might be . Now every one will have to pick new names, why would you tell me!"

"Sheldon stop it! I don't need to know who you picked I just need your help with the gift I am making for her."

"Why would you need my help? I thought you did not want to make homemade gifts?" Sheldon asks confused.

"Well I didn't, but then I thought of the perfect gift for Amy. What is the one thing that she has always wanted?" Penny asks Sheldon.

"You want me to deflower her for you as a Christmas gift…" Sheldon begins not looking opposed to the idea.

"Ewwww! No! I was thinking of a normal high school experience!"

"That's **hilarious**, as much as I am sure she would enjoy that. I do not think that is some thing that you could give her."

"Just hear me out! When we were planning the Prom thing on the roof we were all talking about high school. Amy had like the worst time in high school, like just horrific. They even forgot to put her picture in the year book ,even though she was there on picture day. Then I told her about how in Senior my yearbook I was on like every page and won two superlatives."

"What are Superlatives?" Sheldon asks.

"It is when the whole class votes who has the best smile, most friendly, most likely to succeed. I won most likely to be a super star and best dressed."

"I do not think my high school did that, of course I graduated when I was eleven so it is possible that I just wasn't included." Sheldon muses "Otherwise I would have been elected Most likely to succeed."

"Or biggest pain in the ass." Penny tells him. "Anyways, I thought I would make her a yearbook of sorts. Where she is the star of the show! Make her Prom Queen, cutest couple Sheldon and Amy all that stuff, then get everyone to sign it and give it to her."

"I am sure she would be over the moon about it ,but why do you need my help?" Sheldon asks.

"I need more pictures of her, most of the ones I have of her have me in them too." Penny tells him "Also I think it would be really sweet if you helped put some of it together."

"But I already have my secret Santa person, whom shall remain nameless, to worry about." Sheldon says.

"Think about it as a birthday present for her." Penny tells him.

"Amy told me I did not have to worry about a birthday present this year."

"Sheldon, what did Amy do for your birthday this year?" Penny asks casually.

"Same as she has always done, she declared it Sheldon's day made me pancakes for breakfast and took me to Lego Land." Sheldon tells her.

"Do you see how that might not be fair if you don't get her anything even though she told you not too?"

"Are you saying that while Amy told me that I may not worry about a gift that she still expects me to provide her with one?" Sheldon asks

"That's exactly what I am saying." Penny says.

"Very well, tell me what you would like me to do."


	2. Santa 2

Howard and Bernadette are doing dishes together at their apartment. Bernadette washes the dishes and Howard dries them and sets them on the rack. It is their first night alone together in a while. Bernadette is liking having Howard all to herself without Raj or the other guys interfering..

"So, who did you pick for secret Santa?" Bernadette asks him handing him a soapy dish

"Bernadette! I am surprised at you! trying to figure out who I have." Howard says holding the dish rag to his chest in mock surprise. Bernadette arches her eyebrow at him and giggles. "Ok, you got me, I tell you mine you tell me you yours?" He says wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"I have Emily..." Bernadette begins but Howard interrupts her putting down the dish she just handed him without drying it.

"You have Emily! That's great Raj has been trying to find out who has Emily all day." Howard says leaving th kitchen and heading for the living room. "I will just call Raj and tell him that you have Emily and will trade with him."

"Why does he want Emily so bad." Bernadette asks drying her hands and joining Howard in the living room

"Oh you know how Raj is he wants to pull some big romantic gesture that will either woo the pants off of her, or send her running for the hills." Howard tells her picking up his phone to call Raj but Bernadette snatches the phone from his hand.

"Hang on, Howie, I don't think that I want to trade with Raj."

"Why? I mean it's not like you and Emily are best friends or anything. Speaking of which I have Penny, so I will trade with you and you get your best friend. Then I will trade with Raj and he gets his girlfriend, everyone is happy." Howard says reaching for his phone.

"Howie, listen, I think it is best if Raj does not get Emily."

"Why not?"

"You know better than anyone how Raj is, he will end up doing something crazy elaborate. Like buying her all the things from the twelve days of Christmas .Then when she leaves him it will be us who pick up the pieces, and all Raj will have to show for it is an aviary!"

"Your right, and being the crazy guy with the dog is one thing, being the crazy bird guy is another. "

"I am just trying to protect him."

"Your right I will talk to him tomorrow when I see the guys."

* * *

><p>The next day Bernadette and Amy are having lunch together.<p>

"Shame Amy could not make it but she said she was going to take Sheldon shopping at the mall for his secret santa gift." Bernadette tells Penny.

"More power to her! Have you ever tried to take Sheldon to a mall? It is worse than bringing a toddler, at least toddlers don't talk." Amy says taking a sip of wine. "Speaking of secret Santa who did you pick out of the hat? I got Amy." Penny asks her

"I got Emily."

"Uggh, dodged a bullet there." Penny tells her spearing a piece of lettuce with her fork.

"I don't know, I am kind of starting to like Emily. I mean at first she is a little creepy, but she makes Raj so happy. So much so,he has been desperately trying to find out who has her so he can trade for her" Bernadette says.

"So are you going to trade with him?" Penny asks.

"No, I don't think it is a good idea. I just don't want him to do some crazy overblown thing and scare her off. "

"And having him nicely coupled off means that he spends less time over your apartment.' Penny says arching her eyebrows at her.

"That is one of the more fortunate affects of Raj finding someone, yes." Bernadette agrees. "Last night was one of the first nights in a long tome that I had Howard all to myself and I did really enjoy it , we just got along so good. Although Emily and Raj did come eat dinner over at our place a couple of nights ago. They are really cute together as a couple, she seems to get Raj." Bernadette says taking a dainty bite of her sandwich.

"Better than Howard?Penny asks

" No one will understand Raj that well." Bernadette says wearily "So what are you going to get Amy?"

"That is what I wanted to talk to you about. I have the perfect idea for a gift for her but I am going to need everyone's help to put it together."

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, you know how Amy is always talking about how unpopular she was in high school?"

"Yeah."

"I am going to recreate a high school year book for her. Now that she has a group of friends that care about her, and a boyfriend that loves her. This is like the best time of her life. So I am going to make her a book that shows her that this time right now trumps anything that happened in high school. "

"I love that idea! I wish someone would do that for me you know my life was no picnic back then either."

"Really, it could not have been as bad as Amy's was. "

"Don't let my sky rocketing career, or my hot-shot astronaut husband confuse you. It was not always easy being me, it did not help I always got mistaken for a sixth grader."

"Aww, poor tiny Bernadette." Penny says pinching her cheek and Bernadette glares at her.

"Is Sheldon going to help you put it together?" Bernadette asks

"As a matter of fact yes, but I am going to need more help. I went to look at his pictures of her and they are almost all screenshots from his Skpe sessions from her. He screenshots every conversations he has every had with her. He said that he liked the expressions on her face, but honestly they all looked the same to me."

* * *

><p>"Oh! Sheldon! Look at all the decorations the mall looks terrific." Amy coos walking through the threshold of the mall.<p>

"If by terrific you mean rife with cultural and historical inaccuracies than, yes, the mall looks terrific." Sheldon grouses rolling his eyes.

"Humor me and tell me about all the historical inaccuracies in evergreen boughs and twinkle lights." Amy asks as they walk through the food court.

"Where do I begin? Frist of all pagans put up evergreens to ward off the harsh winters and invite back spring. I hardly think we modern-day Californians have to worry about harsh winters. Thomas Edison ,always the show boater, brought us the first electric Christmas light display. In order to best display his invention of the incandescent light bulb,Edison strung up lights around his laboratory. So passing commuters could see the Christmas miracle. " Sheldon says pausing underneath a brightly festooned eave.

"You love Thomas Edison, so what is the problem with that?" Amy scoffs.

"Please, I do not love Thomas Edison, he is a poor man's Tesla at best." Amy looks at him skeptically and continues on.

"What can you tell me about mistletoe?" Amy asks slyly

"Mistletoe is a partial parasite or a hemiparasite, it grows on the branches or trunk of a tree then sends out roots that take up nutrients. The tradition of kissing underneath it is complete poppycock. Why do you ask?"

" We are standing underneath some right now." Amy tells him puckering up and standing on her tip toes, Sheldon pushes her gently back down onto her feet.

"Amy, do you honestly expect me to kiss you in the middle of a crowded shopping mall just because we are standing under the synthetic version of a parasitic plant?" Amy looks crestfallen and turns to walk away.

"No, I guess not." she mumbles, she knew the answer would be no, but it hurts none the less. Amy is shocked when Sheldon catches her elbow and spins her around. Amy whirls around to face him expecting an argument but she see he is gazing at her with a soft expression. Sheldon bends down to kiss her and she meets him halfway on her tip toes again grabbing onto his elbows as support. Sheldon kisses her gently holding onto her waist. All to soon his lips leave her mouth and she stands there a moment gazing up at him with a goofy expression.

"Are you happy now?" he asks releasing her waist, his voice husky.

"Quite" Amy tells him "I have always wanted to be kissed underneath the mistletoe."

"Amy, I am surprised that you go for all this Christmas nonsense. You are a pragmatic and intelligent woman you have to know that all of this is blind consumerism. You are not even religious, part of the holiday is celebrating the birth of the son of a God you don't believe in."

"All that may be true, but it does not diminish my love of the holiday. It is just such a time of joy and happiness, and in my life, until very recently, my life was devoid of joy. It seemed that around Christmas no matter how sad or lonely I was I always felt a little better. Plus there is my birthday on Christmas day my mother always tried to make it extra special because of unlike other Christmas babies I have always loved sharing my birthday with the holiday." Amy tells him as the walk through the mall.

"I still don't agree with you but I guess I can understand where you are coming from. My mother always tried to make Christmas special for us, even if she could never procure the things that I asked for."

"Speaking of which, we are here for you to pick out a gift for your secret Santa. Where to do you want to head to first?"

"Oh no, you are going to try to decipher who I have by what store I choose and what I buy aren't you?" Sheldon says stopping to look at her with a condescending expression on his face.

"Sheldon I could care less who you have, I am not going to try to figure it out. But if it would make you feel better we can split up and then meet back at the fountain in an hour.

"Fine, that sounds agreeable."

Back at apartment 4b Howard and Raj are playing a video game, while Leonard looks on disinterested.

"So I found out who has Emily." Howard tells Raj

"That's great who?"

"Bernadette, but she does not want to trade with you."

"Why? whats so wrong with getting Leonard?"

"Excuse me? Why do you think the problem is me?" Leonard asks

"Why else wouldnt she want to trade." Ray asks "You are notoriously hard to buy for."

"I returned one shirt you bought me because it was too big and now I am hard to buy for?"

"You also returned those speakers Penny got you." Howard interjects.

"Only because I had already bought some." Leonard says desperately

"Still it hurts bro." Raj tells him

"Anyway it is not Lenard's finicky ways that make her not want to trade, it is the possibility that you may over do it, that is making her hesitate." Leonard shoots him a dirty look.

"What do you mean over do it? When Have I ever over done it with a girl?"

"You did lease that one girl a car." Leonard tells him.

"And your constant overblown romantic gestures sent Lucy running for the hills." Howard says

"That's not fair, everything sent Lucy running from the hills. You know what screw you guys I am going to go against her wishes and give her the best damn Christmas present anyone has ever seen!" Raj pauses the game angrily and goes to the fridge to get a drink.

"He is going to blow it?" Leonard says under his breath.

"Oh yeah." Howard whispers back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Taken me a bit to update, Thank you everyone for sticking with it. I own none of these characters...**

Everyone but Bernadette and Amy are gathered at apartment 4A waiting to go out for dinner. Penny and Sheldon are using the time to further their efforts on the present for Amy.

"OK Bernadette and Amy are coming soon so we have to make this quick." Penny tells the everyone handing them each a sheet of paper. "We need for each of you to get them into one of the following poses, then agree to a picture."

"I don't know, I tried some of these angles when I was a bachelor, and believe me saying." How about you put on this cheerleader outfit and let me take pictures of you" has never worked for me in the past." Howard tells Penny looking over the list.

"Yes, but now your a happily married man and not a super creepy loser with a camera." Penny tells him.

"I bet I can get Amy to do some of the under the guise of a fun with flags episode. In fact I think I already have a picture on my computer of her in both a cheer leader outfit and one of her dressed as a catholic school girl"

"Hang on, I remember the cheerleader one, that was from the "Rah Rah, Flags and team spirit" episode. When did she dress as a catholic school girl that not even on the list." Leonard asks him curiously.

"Not important." Sheldon says guiltily "So who else has ideas on how Penny and I can make the perfect secret Santa gift for both our people."

"So you have Bernadette!" Emily exclaims.

"I never said that." Sheldon say trying to skirt the issue.

"You said Penny and I..." Raj begins

"Alright alright, the cats out of the bag, yes I have Bernadette, and yes I decided to piggy back on Penny's idea for Amy after Penny informed me that my first gift choice was inappropriate."

"What did he get her?" Howard asks Penny and she begins to answer but Sheldon cuts her off.

"Its a moot point now, I already returned it to the store! Lets just drop this discussion alright."

"He got her a bra." Penny says laughing, and Howard looks at him angrily and Sheldon throws his hands in the air.

"Its not what you think! Amy told me once that Bernadette would benefit in her career if she could minimize her bosom. I misinterpreted her comments and bought her a bust minimizing brazier. Penny has now pointed out to me what was wrong with both Amy's comment, and my purchase."

"I'll say Bernadette and bust minimizing that's sacrilege." Emily says and the gang all looks at her curiously except for Raj who says proudly.

"Thats just one of the reasons that I love this girl!" and kisses her on the cheek.

"Well I guess that is it everyone knows who everyone has now." Leonard says

"Not exactly, I am not telling who I have and I have no clue who has me and I would like to keep it that way." Emily says.

"Yeah, and I still do not know who Amy has, she wont tell me she says I can't keep a secret." Penny says rolling her eyes.

"Well, you are notoriously bad at keeping your mouth shut." Leonard tells her.

"Agreed." Sheldon tacks on and the rest of the group nods their heads.

Just then the door to the apartment opens up and Amy and Bernadette walk through the door. Everyone tries to hastily hide the sheets of paper in their hands.

"What are you guys doing?" Amy asks.

"They were just helping me rehearse for a play." Penny says casually

"A play, I thought you weren't acting anymore now that you have the new job. I mean do you really have have to dedicate to a play right now with your work commitments.?" Bernadette asks.

"It is not a big play, it is just a small thing I am doing you know so my acting chops do not get rusty in case I ever want to get back into it."

"OOOh a play! Which one and can we help too?" Amy asks hopefully.

"Its Peter Pan, and no, all the roles have been cast already." Penny says shrugging her shoulders.

"You mean you are rehearsing Peter Pan and never once thought of asking me to be Tinkerbell?Small, blonde and bossy? it is the role I was born to play!" Bernadette tells her

"Umm in this one all Tinkerbell does is make tinkling sounds ." Penny tells her

"Can we stop arguing about casting roles in a play that none of us are actually performing in and lets get a move on I am hungry." Penny looks at him gratefully.

* * *

><p>Later the group is all assembled at a restaurant eating a meal together.<p>

"Man it is weird having to get one of the big tables to eat at, I remember back when it was just the four of us eating." Leonard reminisces pointing at Howard, Raj, Sheldon and himself.

"Yeah, back when we were dorks without girlfriends." Raj says wrapping his arm around Emily.

"Now your just a dork with a girlfriend." she says smiling him indulgently.

"Hey, I was thinking Christmas is next week and I would really like to host the part at my place." Raj says

"Really? your place is kind of small and you don't even really celebrate Christmas.I mean your place isnt even decorated for Christmas is it?" Penny says.

"Fine, we will have it at Leonard and Sheldon's like we always do. But I should at least get to plan the party and help decorate." Raj says

"Raj, you can plan the whole confounded thing just keep me out of it." Sheldon tells him.

* * *

><p>Later in the week Sheldon and Penny are in her apartment looking at pictures on her computer.<p>

"How in the world did you get Amy to agree to some of these?" Sheldon asks her

"Same way you get her to agree to things for you, I batted my eyelashes and said please." Penny says drawing out the please and pouting her lips.

"I certainly never made a face like that." Sheldon tells her rolling his eyes "I like this one." He says pointing out a picture of Amy playing her harp wearing a black dress.

"That one was easy to get I just had to ask if she wanted a best friend sing along night. Which is something she has been begging me to do since we became friends anyway. I thought we could photo shop her on a stage, you know like a solo performance."

"Like this?" Sheldon asks working on his computer for a couple of minutes then showing Penny the finished product that makes it look as though Amy is performing at Carnegie hall.

"Right idea, wrong stage, we need something smaller." Sheldon works again and shows Penny the new picture that makes it look like Amy is playing in a puppet theater. Penny just looks at him hard and he laughs breathy.

"I was just kidding you." he says then works again and shows Penny the finish product which is perfect, it looks just like if Amy were playing at a school talent show.

"That is amazing, I must say you are pretty talented with Photoshop." Penny tells him

"Yes, I am pretty skilled at it, although I must tip my hat to Wolowitz he is even better than I am. There was a point in his life where he could use Photoshop to make it look like he as having coitus with almost any actress. He was also very skilled at grafting his face onto muscular bodies. There must have been many a disappointed lady who met him form his dating website."

"I'd wager all the ladies were pretty disappointed Penny says and Sheldon laughs again

"Yes, I would say to which brings me to my next topic of conversation, what do do with Bernadette?"

"Well we have the one of them dressed like cheerleaders, and the one of you and Wolowitz dressed up like foot ball players. Then thee are superlatives I made her and Howard 'Most likely to get married" and you and Amy are "Cutest couple."

"That is very well, but I think we did something to showcases her individual talents like the one with Amy and her harp."

"I got it! we make her "Most likely to rule the world"

"I think Howard would agree that she already rules his world, with her tiny iron fist." Sheldon says looking at Penny out of the corner of his eye.

"You are just full of zingers today aren't you?" Penny says looking at him impressed

"Yes, I have been trying, but in all seriousness, I think we need something that highlights her talents in science or something else she is proud of."

"That is a great idea, so what else is she proud of?" Penny muses taping her stylus on her tablet

"Oh I have no idea, that is for you to come up with." Sheldon tells her and she throws him a look.

* * *

><p>"So I have to ask, what is the big surprise that is going to wow the pants off of Emily." Howard asks Raj as they eat lunch together at the university.<p>

"That is for me to know and you to never find out." Raj tells him smugly "Or rather to find out in a few days when I reveal it in front of everybody at the Christmas party." he amends bending down to eat his lunch.

"You sure you don't want to run it by us, I mean even Sheldon caved and ran his gift by us." Leonard tells him.

"No, I do not want to ruin the element of surprise by everyone knowing what is is gong to be before the big reveal." Raj tells him looking guilty and fixing his gaze on his plate.

"He's got squat." Howard says gleefully reading the expression on his face.

"Not squat! I actually had the best idea ever of making it snow right here in Pasadena! Emily has lived her whole life here and has never seen the snow so I was going to bring the snow to her." Raj tells him defensively.

"So what happened with that idea?" Leonard asks.

"Did the snow dance your people do not work?" Howard asks laughing.

"First off, that's wildly racist dude, second wrong type of Indian, and third turns out the machines you rent to make the snow are actually pretty pricey." Raj tells them.

"Since when do you care about money? Your Dad probably takes a bath in tens and twenties to open up his pores." Howard says.

"Ever since the divorce my parents have been tightening my purse strings. I mean I have had to cut my maid down to just once a week, like a savage." Raj says sadly.

"Aww, Poor baby." Leonard says sarcastically.

"I know, and that's not the worst part." Raj says.

"Whats the worst part?" Howard asks.

"Emily was going on and on last night about how with her group of friends this secret Santa thing is all about gag gifts. That she is worried the gift she got her person will be taken the wrong way, in light of the thoughtful one Penny and Sheldon are doing but is too late now to return it."

"Who does she have?" Leonard asks.

"She still wont tell me, she only say that she knows that I will laugh." Raj says shrugging his shoulders.

"I still don't see why that is the worst part." Howard says.

"Don't you see, if I giver her a thoughtful gift in front of everybody knowing that she gave a gag gift, then she will think I was being a jackass on purpose."

"You are a Jackass." Howard tells him.

"Yes, but not on purpose!" Raj moans.

"So just don't give her anything like she wanted originally and problem is solved." Leonard says shrugging his shoulders.

"You just don't get it!" Raj wails getting up and stomping away and angrily tossing his tray into the trash while Howard and Leonard look on bemused.

"You're right he is a jackass." Leonard tells Howard.


	4. Chapter 4

Much to Sheldon's chagrin apartment 4B is resplendent in Christmas decorations as Raj prepares for the party in their home. This year he has really outdone himself with the decorations, the apartment looks like something out of magazine spread. Leonard and Sheldon have let him have free rein over the apartment and were only to disappear to the comic book store while he set up. Raj asks Amy to come a little early and help him with some of the preparations, he hears a knock on the door and lets her in.

"Rajesh, it looks amazing in here." Amy coos as she walks through the door carrying a large present which she settles under the tree. "What can I help you with?" she asks looking around at the place.

"I will need your help making Christmas dinner, between you and me we are the only ones who know our way around a kitchen." he tells her

"I love to cook, you know I was just reading this recipe online for chestnut stuffing..."

"Slow down Martha Stewart! The menu has been planned already, I just need your help putting a few finishing touches on the dishes."

Amy casts him a look but concedes.

"Fine, just show me what you need me to do." Ray leads her into the small apartment kitchen and explains the menu to her. Amy is enthusiastic and immediately dives in to helping. Raj is grateful Amy is so willing to help and enjoys her company as they prepare the meal together.

"Amy?' he asks tentatively

"Yes?' Amy answers.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Even though Emily asked that we not exchange gifts I went ahead and got her a gift anyway. You know her better than everyone else does do you thing she will be mad or do you think that she will like it."

"Well it depends." she begins cautiously.

"On what?"

"Did you get her a normal gift, or did you Raj it up?"

"Hey I take offense to that! What exactly do you mean by 'Raj' it up"

" I mean did you get her something normal, or did you get her some over the the top testament to your love for her?"

"Over the top testament." Raj says guiltily

"In terms of sentiment or how much you spent on it?" Amy asks him as she pulls a dish out of the oven.

"A little bit of both." he admits leaning against the counter.

"I am no expert on love or anything like that but I will tell you this. If Emily likes you as much as I think she does won't matter if your gift is big or to small becuase it will have come from you."

"You think so?" Raj says doubtfully.

"Yes, I mean Sheldon is not best at gifts."

"That's for sure." Raj snorts, Amy gives him a look that could kill

"Anyway's as I was saying, Sheldon is not known for being the best at giving gifts but some of the best gifts I have ever been given have been from him. Not because of what he bought or how much he spent but because they were from him."

"So what you are saying is, as long as Emily loves me, as much as you love Sheldon then I should be ok."

"That may be a pared down version but essentially yes, that is what I am saying."

* * *

><p>"Ok who goes first?"<p>

'Maybe we should take direction from how we choose who we got and take direction from the mystical choosing of a hat, or in this case bowl." Sheldon says.

"Actually that is a great idea " Penny says

"It's the only kind that I have." Sheldon says smugly, and Penny throws him a look. then she writes every ones name on a sheet of paper and puts into a bowl. She makes a big to do about shaking the bowl before drawing the first name out like a model on a lottery drawing.

"You're up, Leonard." she says winking at him and Leonard gets up wearily goes to the tree and retrieves his present. He opens the small package without enthusiasm. "An Itunes gift card thank you secret Santa!" he says with sarcasm winking at Raj.

'Ok, whose next?' Penny repeats her drawing method and pulls out another name "Emily come on down and pick out your prize!" Penny says gesturing towards the tree like a The Price is Right model. Emily is game and runs toward the tree with her hands in the air like a game show contestant and picks up the present with her name on it. Emily carries it back to her spot and opens the beautifully wrapped present.

"It is almost a shame to unwrap this one! whoever did it did such a good job!" Emily tugs on the ribbon and opens the present. "OH! This is so adorable! I love it" Emily coos as she pulls out a snowglobe from the box. Inside ar Jack and Sally standing on the ledge above a miniature ChritmasTown.

"Wind it up!" Bernadette calls excitedly behind her hand and Emily turns it over and wind the music box and when she turns it back around it starts playing "Whats's This."

"I love it this is perfect! Thank you so much Bernadette... I mean Secret Santa!" Emily says.

"Ok who is are lucky next contestant on the Present is Yours?" Penny sticks her hand in the bowl and fishes around and pulls out a name. "Howard you're up!" Howard bounces up but Emily stops him by grabbing his arm.

"Howard, You don't have to do this."

"If you mean, because I am Jewish don't worry about it, after a decade I a finally used tho these crazy traditions." he says shrugging and going towards the tree to get his gift. He gets a gift bag and brings iy back to his seat and pulls out the gift inside. At first he stares at it stunned and Emily looks at him with a pained expression on her face.

"I thought that secret Santa meant giving your best gag gift! honestly! I am so sorry Howard! I will get you a real present I promise!" Howard just looks at her with a hard expression on her face then burst out laughing.

"Are you kidding? This is great! and he holds ut a gold-plated plunger engraved with Clogzilla for everyone to see.

"Are you sure" Emily asks concerned

"Absolutely this is great! I am gong to make a special place for this in my bathroom." he tells her

"Assuming he ever learns how to use a plunger Bernadette says under her breath.

"Alright who is next?" Penny says digging around in the bowl. "Sheldon you are up, and try not to be a pain in the ass OK?" Sheldon just shoots he a look as he gets up and retrieves the largest present for himself.

"I promise I will not be a pain in the B" he says" settling into his spot" I get the biggest present ha-ha." he says mockingly to the group

"Already a pain in the ass." Penny says under her breathe

"I just hope whoever got me did not go over the monetary allotment. " he says as he tears the wrappings. Amy stares at him with baited breath as he finishes unwrapping his gift. He pulls the paper off and unfolds it letting the quilt fall to the floor. Sheldon stares at it quizzically for a moment and Amy is unable to contain herself any longer.

"Do you like it? she asks softly

"It's all my old T-shirts." he says stunned

" The ones you had such a hard time parting with. Instead of taking them to Goodwill like you asked I made you a quilt out of them. This way you still have them but they are not taking up room in your close rotation anymore. Oh and do not worry about bed space, you can store it in your foot locker in your winter blanket section, he does not say anything and Amy starts to get concerned.

"I said no home made gifts." He says examining the blanket

"I know, but to be fair I had already made it before you said that, but to ease your worry about that look in the card that was attached to the present." Sheldon opens the card and reads it then pulls out a gift card, Sheldon still is not saying anything. "Just think as the gift card as the present and the quilt as something extra." Amy tells him trying to guess the source of his silence, she really hoped that he would like it.

"That is awesome Amy!" Penny tells her "Don't you think it is great Sheldon?" Penny urges aware how Amy's face is teetering toward heart break every second he says nothing.

"Great?" he says questioningly "Its better than great, I love it, look. " he says pointing to one of the squares "Here is my favorite Flash shirt the one that got a stain on it during Raj's silly scavenger hunt, and here is My favorite Robot shirt that got ruined in Texas. Penny I say we break the rules a little and have Amy open her gift next."

"Since the rules are made up anyway that is fine with me. I guess in that case Bernadette should open hers as well. Come on ladie and come on down!" Both Bernadette and Amy get up and go get their gifts from under the tree. They look at each other and open the lids on the boxes at the same time. Amy lifts out her book and stares at the cover of the book.

"Los Robles High?" Amy reads confused.

"Open it up!" Penny urges her. Amy opens it up and begins to look through the pages a huge smile on her face.

"It looks just like high school year book only I am on like every page!" Amy says to Bernadette.

"I know and I actually made the superlatives! Bernadette Rostankowski-Wolowitz most likely to rule the world, that's right buddy!"

"I made cutest couple and my boyfriend is not made up! This is great guys how did you do all this?"

"Well it started out as my gift to you Amy and I needed Sheldon's help to finish it, then he stole my idea and did the same for Berndette. Well I told him to steal my idea as his first gift was truly horrible."

"Idea stealer or not, thank you Sheldon I love it!" Bernadette tells him.

"You and Penny worked on this together?" Amy asked

"Yes, and I really helped, I did not just sign my name on the card and say that I did. You will see in the credits section I am the photo editer and Penny is the editor at large. Amy flips to the back and sees that everyone has signed the year book as well. Tears well up in her eyes as she reads what each of her friends as signed in the book. Amy gets up and goes over to Sheldon and gives him a big kiss on the mouth in front of everyone. Sheldon returns the kiss albeit a little embarassed.

"Hey!" Penny says pretendeding to be afronted "I was your secret Santa! The book was my idea!" so Amy goes over to her and gves her kiss on the cheek and a big hug.

"Thank you guys! This is the best present that I hve ever received." Amy tells them.

"Yes thank you guys this is amazing!" Bernadette tells them.

"Ok guys! I to am going to break the rules a little bit and ask that you all come with me up to roof so that I can give Emily her gift." Raj tells everyone.

"Raj, I said we did not have to exchange gifts, I did not get you anything." Emily tells him.

"Yeah, and Emily already got a present and I have not gotten one yet." Penny pretends to pout.

"Howard had you and he got you wine."

"Thank you Howard!" Penny says as she retreives her present from under the tree and opens it up.

"Which just leaves me and know Leonard had me and I know he probaly got me a gift card of some kind so can we please just go to the roof now?" Raj pleads.

"Actually Raj I did not get you a gift card, but I agree that we should head to the roof." Leonard tells him.

* * *

><p>Everyone heads up to the roof in pairs climbing the flights together.<p>

"I can't believe you kissed me in front of everyone." Sheldon whispers to Amy.

"I would do it again too." Amy whispers back and Sheldon gives her a smile that tells her that is is'nt as annoyed as he is acting.

"You still like the gift I gave you after the thoughtful one that Sheldon got you right?" Howard asks Bernadette.

"Oh, yes I will cherish the lingerie you gave me forever." Bernadtte tells him sarcastically.

"Then you might be interested to know that orginally Sheldon was going to give you a bra until Penny convinced him otherwise." Howard tells her

"He was going to what?" Bernadette says shocked.

"That was really thoughtful gift you guys gave Amy and Bernadette." Leonard teells Penny.

"I know,I was really proud of myself for coming up with it." Penny tells him.

"You know, I did not have the best time in high school either..."Leonard begins.

"I made you one too!" Penny tells him stopping to give him a kiss. "We gave you most likely to get the hot girl." Leonard kisses her back.

"Yea, that's right." Leonard tells her.

"You really did not have to get me anything." Emily tells Raj.

"I know, but I wanted too." Raj tells her as he opens the door to the roof. The scence on the roof suprises even Raj, he had paid to have fake snow spread on the roof. Raj is suprised to see that the snow machine he was unable to procure is on the roof and there is snow falling sofly on the roof.

"Raj, is this what you got me? Emily says amazed stepping onto the roof and slowly spinning around. "It is wonderful, this is the closet that I have ever been to snow." Then she walks over to Raj and give him a big kiss.

"Was this you." Raj mouths to Leonard over Emily's shoulder.

"Merry Christmas." Leonard mouths back winking.


End file.
